">I used to have a philosophy. it was a fucking awesome one that i told myself to never forget. But then i forgot it.It's like those times when you take something important and say to yourself that you HAVE TO KEEP IT PROPERLY and so you keep it in a "special location" that you will never forget.
And in the end, you forget the special location because it is not placed in the places that you will usually keep the stuff in. So basically you shoot yourself.
Anyway, i will take the next few months/years to try to remember it. But for now, my philosophy would be: Be happy.
hahaha, maybe that was my original philosophy. then i'd be living life trying to find what i already have. But isnt that what we all do anyway. I think being happy is like the ultimate key in life. Because you live for yourself and nothing else matters. And being happy is fun.
These few days i have been constantly reminded, via friends, family, oprahwinfrey, newspapers
That you should be paid to do something that makes you happy. So i have to find out what makes me happy. For now, it's taking pictures. I've always wanted to be a photographer, although i may not have much practice (i usually take garbage shots with friends), no skills (i've never taken any courses cept' for the ones with Jussy and Vallo when we were about 10.), no experience. And to makes things better, no one believes in me.HAHAHAH.
But i don't think i need people to believe in me for now. I have to believe in myself, sort myself out and chase my dreams. You guys should too. That includes you twinkle, although i laugh at you when we were in sec 2 and you told me you wanted to be an air stewardess. then in sec 4 when you told me you wanted to be a chef. then in JC1 (which is now) when you told everyone you wanted to be a zoo keeper. I believe in you. (eeeheheheheheh.)
But its okay, we all have strange aspirations. I grew up always wanting to be the person who drives the garage truck. (i swear to God i was serious, until i found out usually uhm. the not so skilled people do that job. my mum still laughs and brings it up whenever anyone talks about Jobs)
But i always wanted to be either an actress, fashion designer, model, photographer, singer.
So here's how i eventually ended up with photographer:
- Actress: After i grew up, i realised remembering huge chunks of lines gave me panick attacks.
- Fashion designer: I can't draw for shit and the school fees are expensive and its hard to make it big in singapore
- Model: I found out models have to actually be skinny.
- Singer: Found out i cant sing
So yeah. I'm definitely not going to get a desk job. Because im loud and noisy and sitting down for 8 hours a day will make me cranky.
Anyway, recently someone told me another someone in school (who i've met twice, talked to once- just a hi bye kinda thing) doesn't like me.
ahahhahaha. I am quite affected by this. the Someone #1 told me to CHILL SARAH, GET OVER IT. hahahaha im sure alot of people don't like me cos like. im loud and noisy and i laugh alot (which is probably irritating to some people who dont get to enjoy life as much as i do) and i tend to tell people straight to their face some stuff but those people usually just talk behind my backs and i dont know they dont like me. HAHAHAHA so knowing that someone doesnt like me is annoying. Somemore i am neutral with the person. I mean, if i dont like the person and the person doesnt like me i guess its more or less ok. but like i didnt even do anything to someone #2 so it's not fair. you know? HAHAH. that person hates both justine and i. which is funny. HAHAHAHAH You are the next Justines & Sarah.
Anyway.................................................................................................... i like my friends alot. hahahahahahahah (totally random). But really i do. i like my class, i like my dance friends, i like my no category friends (Elaine and Rachel whom i love more everyday. hi friends. HAHAHAHA) i like church friends i like neighbour friends i like primary school friends, i like secondary school friends. hahaha but life is filled with drama and so it gets in the way of friendship. And then there's the boy friend. HAHAHAHAH. He sees the best and worst of me, really. I'm glad our relationship is open and that we're very very close.I also find it very interesting that we are both so different (BTW FRIENDS, when i am 21 josh will be 30. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA, i just find that so amusing)
Anyway, everyone always gets up in my ass about how he is always busy. etc etc etc. and they assume it's always his fault. so poor thing. Last night he called me at 10pm when his work ended and asked if he should come now cos he wanted to see me. i responded with a "eh you think this is nightclub is it? fuck off"
HAHAHA. no, just joking friends. i told him that it's quite late and he sounded tired so he shouldnt come. and then he said are you sure? because im fine and i'd love to see you and come spend time with you. but i know your mum might not be happy that i come so late... so you just let me know?
so you see, hes so cute. HAHAHHA. but yeah in the end i told him that he should go home and then we'll talk on the phone. so we talked and it was very nice. i usually dont like talking on the phone, i know SHOCKINGGG. but yeah i dont. he doesnt either. anyway the chalet topic came up again... because i was just asking him about how he really feels. and he told me he was really hurt and he cried the night after Confession Night. I was so upset by this. sigh. so poor thing. but i have to get my shit together and never do this again. btw, i think people who cheat are absolutely disgusting. which is probably why two weeks after the incident i was feeling so numb and awkward and possibly depressed (seriously. hahaha i had all the symptoms)
and i think that even though josh has forgived me i cant forgive myself. or at least not yet. i dont know... oh well.
Anyway, tomorrow i'm meeting my PW groupmates to go through the video and our WR. Then at night i am meeting the non categorised friends for some fun (not) in the sun. aha! Justine promises to not sleep. (inside joke, sort of. hahahahahahahaha and i promise i will stay an arms length away from the boys.) Have a great weekend friends.
